Green apples and tasty cheese

30 facts about meh.

1. I’m a good singer but I can’t, for the life of me, sing in front of people. I just choke up and go silent.
2. I am really shy if I don’t know you.
3. I love reading. And I read weird books…
4. I honestly, really do hate my body. I hate it if my boobs look “big” and I hate people looking at me. I hate attention.
5. I don’t go to school and I don’t have a job, I spend all my days waiting to see Eric or other people, writing, drawing, reading and singing alone at home while my brothers at school and my mums at work. But I’m going to go to tafe.
6. My hair was naturally white blonde until I started dying it all the time. Once I had bright carrot-orange hair from a home-hairdye mishap.
7. I miss my dad every fucking day.
8. I used to have a really bad eating disorder. I lost so much weight.
9. I don’t know where I would be without Eric. I’d be a mess.
10. I have bi-polar disorder.
11. I listen to country music.
12. I like so many different kinds of music, if you went through my itunes, you would be confused but my favourite band is evanescence.
13. My dream job would be to be a singer, but lets be honest it ain’t gonna happen, so a photographer would be nice, I love photography.
14. I miss how skinny I used to be when I had an eating disorder. I’m always scared I’m going to go back to it.
15. I’ve had really bad things happen to me that I have nightmares about almost every night. Sometimes I have night terrors as well. This has lead me to have insomnia because I’m so scared of what I’m going to see when I fall asleep.
16. If I’m getting ready to go out with friends, when they start taking photos with each other, I always pretend I’m still putting on make-up or something because I fucking hate getting my picture taken.
17. I fucking love cats/kittens. Like, alot.
18. I honestly don’t like all those “funny” movies like American Pie, Scary movie and pretty much all the movies teenagers watch these days, same with tv shows, I think theyre all just pointless and stupid and I’d rather watch a movie that has meaning. Or at least something interesting.
19. I’m not bisexual, but I am bi-curious.
20. I reckon I could be a good actor if I had the confidence but I deffinately don’t.
21. I see a psychologist every week but I don’t think it’s changing anything.
22. I hate being told that I’m “nice” or a “good person.” It reminds me of all the bad things I’ve done.
23. I fucking admire Amy Lee, I wish I was as amazing as her.
24. I have taken a whole packet of Nurofen PLUS before to see what would happen. At the time, I wouldn’t of cared if it killed me. I ended up in a deep sleep for about 18 hours. Apparently, very luckily woke up and vomited everything in my stomach up.
25. I am absolutely in love with Doctor Who. It’s my favourite TV show, ever. It’s amazing. I forced my boyfriend to watch it with me now he says he likes it. I can’t tell if hes just saying that to make me happy or if he really does, either way I am happy.
26. I don’t take life seriously. I think it’s a joke.
27. I miss Ruby Leigh. She was the one friend that I could act absolutely fucked up around and tell anything to without her judging me, I miss everything and all the things we used to do. I have never had more fun with anyone else.
28. I love my grandparents on my Dad’s side so much. They mean the world to me and I know I have let them down and I feel so bad about it everyday and I don’t know how I’m going to fix it. I know they won’t be around forever and it kills me everyday to think that one day they will be gone.
29. I really don’t know how to fix my relationship with my mum properly.
30. I want to live my life with Eric Catanese.